"The Omen 666" (2006)
Dir: John Moore
I don't even know how to approach commenting on this. See, I'm not as vehemently opposed to horror remakes as some people, but this is almost a textbook example of how to screw it up and why they're so reviled. Even taking it out of context and avoiding comparisons to the original, this is one astonishingly poor show. The plot (concerning a US Ambassador who swaps his own dead baby with a living one that turns out to be the Antichrist) remains the same and there are no surprises, nor new twists (except for a ham-fisted attempt at social commentary in the gratuitous and chronologically questionable prologue), although all of the characterisation has been sucked out. It doesn't help that the cast could've easily been replaced by dummies or CGI animals and still be more engaging than they are here. I needed to switch the DVD subtitles on to catch a word that Liev Schrieber mumbled and Julia Stiles seems to have modelled her simpering, floundering performance on Naomi Watts's in "Ring 2". The direction is flat and lifeless all round, like a bad TV movie, but the set design and location choices are the most embarrassing elements. Not one of the sets looks remotely real or believable (ie: a psychiatrist office that looks like a submarine; a bathroom that looks like a Calvin Klein advert; a graveyard that looks like a Co-op Santa's Grotto) and the locations are often blatantly not what they appear to be. 'Israel' is recognisably Prague and the apparent geography of 'London' here is nothing short of absurd. None of this helps. It seems almost a waste of energy to hate a movie like this, because it's clear not an ounce of care, love or enthusiasm has gone into it. It feels like watching something designed entirely by robots. Please don't give them money or they'll rise up and take over the world. You've seen "Terminator", right?