"Blade: Trinity" (2004)
Dir: David S. Goyer
Gratuitous third installment in this series of mindless vampire-hunting romps sees Blade (Wesley Snipes) teaming up with a hip and happening team of young slayers called The Nightstalkers, to take on Dracula, no less. Sadly, Dracula looks and dresses like a reject from a German hip hop band and isn't a convincingly dangerous enemy for even so much as a split second of his screen time (although he does throw a baby across a rooftop at one point - oooh). This film is simultaneously the best and worst of the series. It's the worst for several reasons. The plot is azy, derivative and full of holes; the acting is atrocious; the dialogue is almost entirely made up of sub-Joss-Whedon wisecracking, and the whole script is littered with cringeful attempts at faux 21st Century Cool (ie: "She loves to listen to mp3s when she hunts. Dark core and trip hop, you know"). However, it's the best because it has A VAMPIRE POMERANIAN ATTACKING RYAN REYNOLDS. Genius! That said, Reynolds shines throughout this and, although he's the biggest culprit for espousing the dodgy one liners, his dialogue is frequently hilarious (not to mention how creative and colourful his swearing is!). Still, even his (altogether too brief) screen time can't save this most cynical and ridiculous effort. The (nonsensical) ending paves the way for a fourth "Blade" movie. God help us all. EL BOMBA!